Cutting To the Core: Guys

Friday, October 28, 2011's about to get a little bit personal here. As girls/women probably the biggest lies we will ever believe (next to the ones about ourselves) are the lies about guys. The biggest one of those being the lie that “I need a boyfriend to be happy.” the thought about wanting a boyfriend isn't bad at all, in fact it is perfectly natural. God created us with the desire to find “the one.” But where it becomes dangerous is when it becomes a NEED, an OBCESSION almost. It becomes dangerous when we let that desire consume us, when we let it control our every thought. It can become so easy to believe this lie, especially in today's society where books and media propose the idea that “you are no one unless you have a boyfriend,” and it's even harder when your friends all have boyfriends.But if we choose to believe the lie "I have to have a boyfriend to be happy" we will most likely end up believing the lie "I have to have a husband to be happy." Be careful what you allow your self to believe. What I desperately want you to know is that when it is time, God will bring the guy who fits you and is good for you. Remember it is all in God’s timing so don’t chase after guys or “fling” yourself at them. Trust that God will provide. We are told three (3) times in Song of Solomon “not to AWAKEN love until it so desires.” The first time is in chapter 2 verse 7;

“His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” (2:6-7)

The second time is in chapter 3 verse 5;

“Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me. Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” (3:4-5)

And one last time in chapter 8 verse 4;

“His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me. Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” (8:3-4)

The Bible also tells us that this time of singleness in our lives is a gift and is to be enjoyed as such, it is a time where we can just focus on building our relationship with Christ. 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 says
“I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.” [Message]
One thing you can do to help with the loneliness of the dateless life is to make a list of the qualities you wish to see in your FUTURE HUSBAND (not boyfriend). Here's an example:

"The Qualities I most Desire In My Future Husband"
1) He is a strong Chrisian man who love's God with his whole being
2) He respects my decision of purity until marriage
3) He supports the dream and vision God has given me
4) He has a good relationship with my parents (especially my dad)
5) He shares my same passions and desires
6) He's not affraid to dream big and then go for it.

Set your standards high and stick to them...even if everyone around you says that guy is impossible to find. Remember though, that we are all a work in progress (this includes guys), so he might not meet your list exactly at first, but don't settle for less that the “essentials” on your list.

The other lie we tend to believe about guys is that “It is OK to go out with a non-Christian.” Let's clear this one up right here. It is NOT! Dating is not a ministry tool to be used to bring the guy to Christ. Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 that marrying or even dating an unbeliever is sin. “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said: “I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. Don’t touch their filthy things, and I will welcome you. And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” [Message]

Now before you jump to any conclusions, it is ok to be FRIENDS with unbelievers, but dating them is not wise. Before you even consider dating someone you should ask yourself the question: “Could I marry this guy?” Dating is a time to be spent preparing for marriage, it's time that a couple spends getting to know one another, getting to know each other's hearts in order to determine if they could possibly enter into marriage. If the answer to that question is no, then you should end the relationship with as little pain as possible. There are only two possible outcomes of dating a non-Christian (1) You will be a good influence on him, (only on rare occasions does the relationship turn out like this), or (2) He will be a bad influence on you. (this is what happens 99% of the time).
The final lie that is most often believed is that “I can’t handle the loneliness of staying pure.” In today's society it can seem like everywhere you turn more and more girls your age are giving themselves over to sexual peer pressure, and the media promotes it as the “in” thing. Once you've made the commitment to staying pure you can begin to feel like you are alone in this, but the truth is that you are not alone, girls everywhere, older and younger alike, struggle with staying pure. Don’t let guys talk you into doing things that go against God’s values. Purity is the best way to live life. Remember that list we mentioned earlier? Refer to it often throughout the relationship. Saving yourself for a godly marriage is a beautiful thing, and a godly man will show honor and respect to you for remaining pure for your marriage. Genesis 2:23 tells us that God created sex specifically for marriage, to make the relationship between man and woman even sweeter. But even in godly dating relationships, it can be hard to stay pure and to control human desires. And keep Jesus as the center focus of your relationship because He alone is the most important thing in your life and in your relationship. This is easily done by:

1)Keeping Jesus in your date night conversations.

2)Praying together during the time you spend together.

3)Hanging out out in public places like the movies, the mall, restaurants, and parks (only during daylight hours).

4)Hanging out with a group of friends.

5)Creating an accountability group among your female friends to keep each other accountable (in line).
Remember that the lies we CHOOSE to believe about guys are some of the most powerful lies...but don't neglect the tool you have been given to combat these lies (you Bible).